


Never Had Before

by RunningInRoses



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff with a Happy Ending, Gift Giving, Implied making out, M/M, No major Royal spoilers, Wingman Takamaki Ann, pining akira, we all know I'm a sap c'mon guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunningInRoses/pseuds/RunningInRoses
Summary: As much as he wants to let his thoughts go, they'll chase away the only friends he's ever had.All because he sees something in Ryuji that he's never seen before.Love.-A fic in which Akira pines helplessly for Ryuji and wants to at least show his appreciation with a gift.Also no spoilers for Royal besides the gift-giving mechanic and a little bit of Kichijoji.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji, background Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 10
Kudos: 246





	Never Had Before

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the chance to read this! It was long in the making because inspiration didn't hit me until I poured 20+ hours into Royal. No spoilers for it though, just a mention of Kichijoji and the new gift-giving mechanic.
> 
> Please leave feedback if you enjoy!

Days roll by like a babbling brook; quiet, slow. Akira's mind is anything but.

Sitting here on the roof of the school, sharing drinks with Ann and Ryuji, he thinks loudly. So much so that his friends see the gears turning and call him out.

"What's up, Akira?" Ryuji asks, concerned, sloshing his soda. His heart fizzes at the expression.

Akira makes a noncommittal noise, waving his hand and bringing his head down into the walls of his arms. As much as he wants to let his thoughts go, they'll chase away the only friends he's ever had.

All because he sees something in Ryuji that he's never seen before.

Love.

An inherent desire to be around him, to talk with him, to hug him. To kiss him.

Sinking deeper, Akira tries to shove all his feelings in a mental box and toss it into the ocean, pulling at a hair at the crown of his head.

In a silent conversation with their eyes, the two blondes nod to each other before rising from their seats, flanking either side of Akira. In a sudden rush, he's in the air, pinned in between their arms.

"C'mon man! We know exactly what'll make you feel better." Ryuji beams from Akira's left, a boiling pressure in his side.

"No one can stay mopey after they've had a Big Bang Burger!" Ann chimes in, lightly tugging at Akira's form.

And, as much as Akira wants to just sit here and wallow, a burger does sound nice right now.

* * *

By the end of their burgercation, Akira feels much better, wandering the underground mall with his two friends. They look in every shop because why not. Akira wants to make up for being so whiny earlier so he buys Ann some chocolate truffles she's eyeing. Her eyes light up like stars.

A soft pressure weaves around his heart at her smile.

They go into the next kiosk over, a quaint jewelry store that holds an abundant collection. Perusing the options, he notices Ryuji particularly transfixed on a silver bangle, simple but thin.

The price tag has him cringing though, slowly backing away to look at the other pieces. Akira frowns as well, but thinks.

In his mind, he hatches a plan.

* * *

"Joker, please! I'm so tired I don't think I can-"

"Just this little more!" He pleads to Ann, placing a hand on her shoulder. "The treasure is just up this last set of stairs and we'll be done."

"C'mon man, we've been in here the whole day and we blasted through all the enemies we saw. We're tired." Ryuji follows Ann's whine, his head between his knees.

Akira can't help the need to scout the entirety of the Palace until he drops dead. He feels in his heart a pull that has him going even as his feet drag and he's covered in a sheen of sweat.

No, they have to keep going.

They have to.

They would've, if he hadn't just collapsed onto one of the plush sofas in the safe room, a sigh smothered in fine fabric.

It's so nice, resting his feet.

Maybe grinding can wait for a bit.

* * *

They ended up going home right after.

The change jingling in Akira's pocket, if anything, gives him hope.

* * *

Iwai questions none of the items Akira gives him, just considering them with a raised eyebrow.

Nervous, the teen shifts his weight from foot to foot, hands crumpling the hem of his jacket.

"40,000 yen." Iwai offers, piercing eyes going straight through Akira's soul.

"I'll take it."

* * *

"Joker, can we not do this today?" Morgana complains from Akira's bag, "We were already here last night when you worked at Rafflesia and the pollen really got me sick."

To exaggerate his point, Morgana lets out a small sneeze.

Akira rolls his eyes.

"Just a few minutes, Morgana. Then we'll go home and I'll read a book or something."

Allaying the cat's nerves is easier than doing so with his own. His heart is beating five times too quick, threatening to burst.

When he walks into the kiosk, it looks the same as it had before. The same woman as last time leans against the counter, head down.

Akira clears his throat, signaling to her that he's there. She pops up, obviously glad that she has something to do now.

He's quick to point out the piece he wants, struggling to keep the fear/excitement broiling on his skin in check.

Handing over the payment is a satisfying weight out of his pockets.

As he's walking back to the train home, he can finally breathe again.

"Whatcha get?" Morgana asks, finally emerging from Akira's bag.

"Just stuff."

* * *

The weight of his change has morphed into the weight of the box in his pocket at all times, trying to find the best way to give it. Every time, it doesn't seem right.

He could be dramatic and just do it during the middle of battle but he knows that it wouldn't go over very well with his teammates.

Maybe when they're out together, but being public has never really been his thing.

Possibly even when they're alone, but those instances are so far and few between with Morgana breathing down his neck all the time.

So when he sees the opportunity in the form of Ann, he takes it.

"Yeah, it's been really quiet lately in the house and I just kinda want someone to keep me company, you know?" Ann chuckles, albeit sadly, to herself, sipping at her sugar-laden coffee.

They're seated at a nice public table outside a popular cafe in Kichijoji, people watching.

"Sucks when they don't even invite me to go. I get it though, I have school and all."

Akira feels bad, knows that feeling when your parents couldn't give a shit about you.

"I'm sure he'll be delighted." He offers a thread of good in the situation.

He's glad Ann laughs, slapping his shoulder lightly.

"Pft, Morgana's always happy to spend time with me. He loves me more than you, I bet." She teases.

Yeah, Akira can't disagree with that.

"So, what were you planning then? With him gone and all."

"Please don't wiggle your eyebrows like that."

"C'mon, 'Kira, there's obviously  _ something _ you wanna do." She suggests, Cheshire cat grin spread across her cheeks.

In a moment of true solidarity, Akira breaks. He tells her.

He almost wants to cry tears of joy when she hugs him for a long while, his face buried in her hair.

Even if she jokes that she'd probably get with Shiho before Akira can pull anything.

It feels nice though, someone comforting him instead of yelling at him.

* * *

That night, he sends a text to Ryuji.

The response back is immediate.

'Yeah, totally man! I'll try pulling the best stuff from my shelves!'

Akira shuts off his phone, puts it aside, and muffles a scream in his pillow.

Morgana shoots off his chest, crying out in surprise.

* * *

The next day, the cat is happy to forgive him with the promise of a day out with Lady Ann, swooning at just the thought.

"Maybe we can go out on a romantic date and eat sushi together or maybe we could go for a walk in the park or even-"

Morgana's cut off by the bell above the cafe door ringing, two grinning blondes entering at once.

They're chatting up a storm, Ryuji visibly embarrassed as Ann elbows him in the side.

Then she's pointing at Morgana on the counter, yelling, "Ah, there's my date!" And then she swings the cat into her arms, pretending to waltz with him even though it’s clearly uncomfortable.

"L-Lady Ann, please, I'm gonna get dizzy!"

"Ann, c'mon-" Ryuji groans, as if her actions have something to do with their previous conversation.

"Sorry, Ryuji. I can't hear you over how  _ great of a time _ I'm having!" She sing-songs, whisking Morgana back over to the counter where he lies, trying to regain his sense of balance.

"What's got you so cheery?" Akira asks from behind the bar, head in his hand. "It's rubbing off on me."

Ann, very much not a fantastic actor, winks, eyes flitting over to the other blond.

"Just woke up right. Plus I'm not gonna be lonely today! I've got someone going out with me who's not gonna complain where we go-"

"I didn't say I  _ wouldn't _ go to that store with you, I just meant that it would be-" Ryuji tries to explain himself.

"Mm-mm. Don't even start. Morgana is my best friend now." And, peppy as ever, she shoves the poor cat into her bag, walking quickly towards the door.

"You two have fun now!"

The bell rings with a sense of finality. Silence ensues.

"Jeez, you'd think she had twenty energy drinks or something." Ryuji finally sits down on one of the bar stools, resting his head on the wood counter.

"And usually you're so energetic." Akira chuckles, going to fix a glass of Coke for the boy.

"Man, now I feel like I ran a marathon or something I'm so tired." He calls across the room. Akira turns to see him leaning back in the chair, stretching his arms over his head. "It's midday and I could sleep right now."

Akira places the full glass in front of his friend, shrugging, "If you want, you can. I don't mind."

He tried saying it casually but he can't tell if it came across too desperate or not.

A lapse in the conversation gives him a good idea though.

"Nah man, I brought the best manga I have, no way you're getting out of reading them." Ryuji smiles, hoisting a plastic bag onto the bar. It's full, nearly breaking, under the weight of two dozen books.

"Jeez, you weren't kidding when you said you had a library's worth." Akira pokes around the bag, pulling out a random manga. The front cover clearly brands it as shonen.

"And these are only the good ones."

Then he's got the bag in one hand, his Coke in the other, walking towards the stairs.

"I'll get a good stack going for you!" He calls down from the second level.

Akira's glad for the time to breathe. He tries collecting his thoughts, even if they're all about Ryuji. It feels like all his proper cognitive functions have ceased, just leaving him with ' _ God I like him what should I do?? _ '

He brews himself a cup of coffee and tries to push his anxiety out of his chest. Caffeine may not help his pounding heart but maybe it'll keep him awake instead of making him pass out altogether.

Once he finishes, he takes to the stairs, sipping gingerly as he steps.

Ryuji is seated on his bed, stacking the books into piles only he seems to know the order of. He's careful, treating each book as if it were the last on Earth.

Akira understands, knowing how precious some things can be, how much you want to take care of the few things you're given. That's what happened with this room, after all. Akira's never had such a large space to himself, let alone free reign over all of it.

He decidedly sits on the couch, placing his cup next to his tv. Ryuji gives him a shit-eating grin and shakes a book at him.

"C'mon, I bet you'll like this one."

Akira stands and reaches out to take it but Ryuji's grasp doesn't let up. He pulls that little bit harder and it turns into all-out war.

They grapple over the book, shoving at each other as they try to win. Akira's hand ends up pushing at Ryuji's shoulder as the blond has a socked foot grinding against Akira's ribs, laughing.

It's as close as Akira's ever been to having a sibling, as weird as it may sound.

Back home, it was just life in the middle of nowhere, Akira all by himself. It would take hours for him to work up the nerve to leave his room, let alone go outside and hang out with anyone during the summer.

So here, him wrestling with Ryuji over something stupid, is something he's never had.

Something he wants to cherish.

His thoughts distract him long enough for Ryuji to pull so hard he has Akira ramming into his chest, landing flat on his back.

They're locked together in a tangle of limbs and laughter that slowly dies down.

The compromising position makes Akira leap up, kicking Ryuji's ankle as he picks up another book from the piles to distract himself.

"Asshole." He mutters sarcastically.

He doesn't really read the words on the cover, stuck on the burning pressure on his left side, the look in Ryuji's eyes as he had hovered over him.

His face heats up exponentially and it's all he can do to shove his face in the book, pretending he's got any kind of vice on reality right now.

"I was just messin' with you, man. C'mon, that one's not even that good-" A sudden hand on Akira's shoulder makes him whirl around, eyes wide.

This close. He's this close and it takes all of his power to step back and gently set the book on the floor.

"Ryuji." His tone conveys a stronger part of himself, one that's not trembling in his own boots.

"Hm?" The blond answers back, eyebrows furrowed. Akira plays the deer-in-headlights look very well, apparently.

The weight of the box in his pocket pulls him down to the center of the earth, threatening to swallow him whole. His lungs feel like they’re being crushed because he can’t breathe. Sheer willpower alone is what keeps him upright.

“I-I-” He tries but he’s lost a grip on his words. They all shift inside his head, mixing into thoughts that have him backpedaling. ‘What if’ is the most prominent.  _ ‘What if this ruins everything? What if he hates me? What if he tells everyone else?’ _

_ ‘What if I’ll have no one else left?’ _

Tentatively, Ryuji puts a solid hand on Akira’s shoulder. It grounds him, keeps him from seeping through the floorboards.

“‘Kira…” The blond tries pulling an explanation but the world is lost to Akira.

He shoves his hand in his pocket and pulls the box from it, shoving it into Ryuji’s chest. His hands tremble uncharacteristically.

Even if he does take it, Ryuji doesn’t open it, continuing to stay in Akira’s space.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I’ve got no idea.” It comes out raw, full of this heart-wrenching terror that has him retreating. Of course Ryuji won’t allow it, though.

“Man, this all about a gift?”

It’s not just a gift though. It’s so much more. More than Akira dares to speak because he’s never had to, never wanted to.

He’s never felt so out of control of himself.

Maybe that’s okay, though. Ryuji’s picking up the pieces.

Finally, his friend decides to open the box. Akira’s trained on his face, watching his expression carefully.

He really didn’t expect tears.

“‘Kira, dude…” Carefully, Ryuji takes the bracelet from the box and holds it delicately in his hands. He examines the surface, glossy and smooth, and tries wiping away the beginnings of his waterworks with his thumb. “This is… you…”

His speechlessness has Akira panicking.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you, you know? I know it was really expensive and all but it seemed like you really liked it and I wanted to get it for you because I don’t really do much for you so-”

Maybe he doesn’t need to explain.

Not with Ryuji’s face in his neck, holding tight around his waist.

The kindred feeling is there, the one that tells them both to cherish what little they’re given. It shows in this moment just how alike they are, how they fill those holes in the other.

Akira indulges himself in the secure feeling, his head resting against Ryuji’s.

Hugs are so rare that Akira almost feels like he's forgotten how to do it. His arms go around Ryuji's shoulders anyway, trying to forget all his worries as they just breathe against one another.

"Thank you, Akira." Ryuji's voice is so soft, so genuine, that it makes said boy melt into his embrace.

He's glad.

"I'm really glad." It's muffled in Ryuji's purple jacket.

After a while, they finally pull back. They're still close. Ryuji's staring at the bangle, a wash of admiration in his eyes.

"Can't believe you spent all your money just to get this for me."

"I wanted to." Akira takes it from the blond's grasp and gestures vaguely to his arm. Ryuji puts it in his free hand. The bracelet slides on easily, fitting loosely around his lithe wrist but not so loose that it would fall off.

Akira feels it bubbling in his chest again. That feeling that he dares not give a name. The one eating his heart away with every glance, every smile.

"Can I pay you back?" He continues his stare, looking almost conflicted before he resolved himself to the question.

"Please don't, I just-"

"Not like that, man." It's smaller, meeker.

When Akira looks back at his face, it's tinged pink at his cheeks, eyes turned to the floor.

Confusion is the first thing cresting Akira's face. And then his pulse crescendos and he can't stop his buck-wild thoughts.

He can't speak, can't respond.

Ryuji looks up, an uncharacteristically embarrassed grimace fashioned on his lips.

"Can I be real?"

Akira swallows heartily, "Of course."

A pregnant pause.

"I've always wanted something like this. I knew I'd never get it on my own because it's so wildly out of my budget. But-" He stops himself, the hand that was on his wrist, clamped around the bracelet, moving. It finds itself on Akira's bicep, warm and real.

"You've always been nice to me, no matter what. Even when we had just met, you-"

Akira knows what he means without even speaking.

Being stuck in that castle. Being held mercy to an imaginary king. Being hopeless, useless.

Until he wasn't. Until that fire in his heart raged over his skin and through his hair, summoning Arsene for the first time.

Until he realized he couldn't just stand still and watch anymore.

That hand blazes a trail upward, sliding past Akira's shoulder, his collarbone. It finds its place on his cheek.

"'Kira, I-" Ryuji seems to be having as hard a time as Akira is trying to steady himself. "I just- you're too nice. Too kind. No matter what, you're always by my side, doing things for me, making sure I'm alright. After every fight, after every talk."

He brings up his other hand, bangle and all, to come to Akira's other cheek.

He's almost positive Ryuji can feel how hot he is.

"It's not crazy of me to think you do it all because…"

Fill in the blank, really. Akira can follow.

He has to consider this closely. The situation, the wording. If he does anything, it has to be right. He can't mess this up. He can't lose the one person who he can love. He can't lose something he's never had before.

Ryuji smiles gently, wiping at the tears trailing down Akira's cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"Dude, c'mon, I didn't want you to cry. I just wanna know-"

"What about you? Do you like me?" Akira asks, finding his voice.

He has to ask.

Proof enough is the way Ryuji leans in closer, resting their foreheads together. It's such a foreign gesture, especially for the two of them. He can't say he hates it.

"'Kira, I've been with you through everything. And I'll continue to be there. I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't like you."

"But I mean-"

Ryuji cuts him off, pressing their lips softly together. It's only for a scant moment but it lights a path of electricity through Akira. He feels singed, revived. Lucky.

"I like you a lot, Akira. And I want to do for you what you do for me."

Yeah, Akira doesn't mind kissing him again, even if newly shed tears mingle in.

* * *

"Guys, I'm literally dying. Morgana talked my ear off the whole time-" Ann cries, walking through the threshold of Leblanc.

She doesn't really expect for a crash to be heard from upstairs, followed by low, panicked voices.

Akira pops his head down the stairwell, giving her a guilty-as-hell smile.

"Hey Ann, we were just-"

"Can you at least make yourself modest before coming down here?" She sighs, hands on her hips.

Akira clamps his mouth shut, nodding.

When the two boys finally decide to join Ann and Morgana downstairs, they're perfectly fine besides some obviously red lips and botched hair. And that fabled silver bracelet around Ryuji's wrist. Ann can only shake her head.

"Can't believe you hit it before I got to Shiho."

"Ann, please-"

"We didn't do nothin' like that-"

"Shiho?? Lady Ann?!"

* * *

Perhaps Akira's never had a boyfriend before. He's glad Ryuji gets to be the first one with that title though. Especially when he smiles like that, holding tight to Akira's hand as they walk.

They swing their hands, jostling the bangle seated comfortably on Ryuji's wrist.


End file.
